Hello my dear readers!
I can’t believe how long its been since I updated the blog. Unfortunately, my life went to hell, and I fell into a deep hole of depression and self destruction. Its important to talk about what we go through, not only physically but mentally as well. Theses conditions take a toll on us that most people will ever understand. The frustration, loneliness, depression, chronic pain, and just overall unknowing of what is going to happen to us. I separated from my husband, stopped taking my medications, stopped eating, and went into other self destructive behaviors. If I am being honest, I was sitting around just waiting to die. After my miscarriage, and everything else that EDS and Chiari have taken from me, I didn’t want to live anymore. I pushed away everyone and everything in my life.
As I sit here and write this, I have been contemplating so much in my life. Monday, I am seeing Dr. B. again to review my newest MRI and discuss if I need another surgery. When I got my first surgery, I had made the decision then and there to never have surgery again. It may seem a rash decision to make, but I almost didn’t survive the first one, and I didn’t know if I could handle the physical and emotional toll it would take on me.
I don’t know where this appointment will take me, and I have no clue if I will follow though with surgery if I need it. Going into it, I know I take all of your love and well wishes with me. I will update you all after the appointment.
Thank you everyone. I have missed you all, and I look forward to regular writing and counseling again.
Love and spoons.